


Truth or dare

by AccroV



Series: The game of love without the chance [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Drinking Games, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), M/M, Not A Happy Ending, Promise, Refusal, Truth or Dare, good omens - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-05-29 15:54:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19403566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AccroV/pseuds/AccroV
Summary: The apocalypse didn't happen. A demon and an angel are in a bookshop. For this first night of freedom, they decide to play truth or dare.The situation escalated and Crowley stormed out.A story of a demon who doesn't want a relationship and an angel who will fight for it.French version in the note.





	1. Do you want to play ?

**Author's Note:**

They just switched bodies and couldn’t be happier and stress at the same time. They just escaped a not pleasant end: holy water for the demon and hellfire for the angel. The apocalypse didn’t happen. However, the feeling of freedom was there. The electricity between them was gone. So, they laughed, a lot. Azirapahale wanted to tell his friend how Michael, afraid of him as Crowley, had miracled a towel for him after he had asked for a duck to play in his bath. He was so proud of himself. 

However, the conversation took another turn. They talked about the war coming. Crowley was right about it. The war will be between two sides but, this time, it will be between them, immortal beings and humanity. Aziraphale wasn’t sure he wanted to think about this. They always could go on alpha centauri or another star together like his friend had proposed so many times. Together … Aziraphale blushed a little bit in his human vessel. 

They didn’t want to speak about their experience in the vessel of the other one, so they agreed not to without even speaking. They weren’t ready for this. They were in some kind of denial for so long. This was easy for them not to speak about anything. They ignored things so many times. Instead of speaking, they went to the Ritz. They ate, mostly Aziraphale, they drank, both of them and after this, they could sleep for a week or two, at least Crowley. 

After the Ritz, they came back to the bookshop. Aziraphale had an idea during dinner and wanted to execute his plan. He wanted to try an alcool game that could result in speaking about … Well, the unspoken. This was not the idea of the century, or the millennia, but he had so much to say and didn’t know how. 

Once their glasses full, they decided to sit as far as possible from each other for the same reason: they avoided to be too close. They had this habit of keeping the other at arm length. This was necessary, at least for Crowley. He had made so much efforts to hide his feeling from the angel. Angel could sense love, happy feelings in general but love particularly. So, the demon, over the centuries, had built defense walls around his mind so he could have this relation. Without hell and heaven on their back, he had to maintain them. Nothing changed. No probably, no maybe, no hop. If one day, the angel had this kind of feelings, he could fall. Crowley knew how hard the fall was and he didn’t want this for his best friend.

“Crowley, my dear, do you want to play a drinking game with me?” asked Aziraphale with a twinkle in his eyes. 

“I’m impressed Angel. You know drinking games! Not very holy, angelic, games. But, well, they love wine up there.” Crowley seemed imperturbable with his glasses. They hide his eyes and, therefore, more of his expressions. Well, he thought but in 6000 years, Airaphale had learned to read his body. 

“You would be amazed by all the non-angelic human things I learned …” He didn’t finish his phrase like he almost said too much. Crowley heard it but didn’t ask. He respected the boundaries Aziraphale had put between them. “The game is truth or dare.” The demon, obviously, knew about this game. “You choose between truth or dare, and you have to answer the question or do the action. If you don’t, you drink.” The angel miracle in front of them a good bottle of vodka with two shot glasses. 

Crowley looked at his friend and tried to see what he was hiding. This kind of game was a first and the angel, he was certain, had something in mind. The problem was: the demon didn’t know if he could answer the questions … Especially some questions. He could always choose the actions. And, he had so many questions to ask. Of course, Aziraphale was an angel so he wouldn’t lie to him, right? Actually, Aziraphale never lied to him but he chose over the years to leave out some information. This was totally different from lying 

“Ok Angel, we can do many things now we are free, but a drinking game is … Well, an idea. I choose dare.”

The night will be very interesting or just totally useless. We’ll see.


	2. Actions can hurt as much as the truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If the game started out rather well, the situation quickly escalated.

The game had started a few rounds ago for everyone already, it must have been about an hour in human time. Obviously, for immortal beings, who between them had more than twelve thousand years on the clock, one hour represented one minute or even one second compared to mortals. From their point of view, the game had just begun. They had decided to start with light questions and actions. Aziraphale wanted to take only truths with one action every five turns to pretend that he was not really attached to it. On Crowley's side, it was the opposite, he only chose actions with every six turns a truth. Each had noticed the other's strategy but neither dared to criticize the other. Their comfort zone was fine for them for the time being. 

The problem, not to go out of their comfort zone, is that not everyone could achieve their goals. If Aziraphale had to admit two, three things about his past that were a little embarrassing (notably how he joined a gentleman's club to learn dance and it was found in the middle of a love triangle he didn't want), the questions remained on the surface of their respective lives. The angel was almost blamed for doing the same thing because the actions he had in mind were all simpler than the others. However, he laughed a lot when Crowley had to do a minute of tektonik. It was one of the dances invented by the demon for teenagers in the 2000s. Its purpose was to make parents who had to listen to music miserable and make teenagers move ridiculously one after the other. It had been a real hit for a few months but fortunately, thought the angel, it had quickly been replaced by another fashion. However, Crowley had decided to go all the way and so took out his phone to put on the music that went with the dance. Aziraphale had been as shocked by the music as he had laughed at the dance, if you could call it a dance, which had been performed before his eyes. 

Everyone had started to relax after that first second of play (time, in deadly time, as a reminder) and three bottles of wine. No shot had been necessary at this stage. The accumulation of laughter and alcohol allowed them to let themselves go for good and from their mouths escaped a long sigh of contentment. They had always enjoyed spending time together even though the moments were not always perfect or even joyful. Their relationship, however, was something comfortable, an arrangement that had lasted for centuries. 

"Angel, it's your turn. I hope to get even after what you forced me to do," Crowley exclaimed as he returned to the chair he had given himself that night. It was the same chair he used when he was at Aziraphale's. 

"No need for revenge," replied the angel, wiping his last tear of laughter, "this performance was worthy of the greatest star dancers. I think you really let your true vocation pass. "Crowley, having removed these glasses, shot him in the eye. "All right, all right, all right. I choose truth since you are so anxious for me to express myself quickly. »

If there was anything that made Crowley anxious, it was having to ask questions. He obviously had a lot to ask and very different ones on many subjects. The most obvious topics were categorized as follows: 

\- Aziraphale  
\- Aziraphale's feelings  
\- Aziraphale's feelings for him  
\- The rest, frankly, nobody cares (especially him)

He therefore had to be extremely careful not to reveal too much the only subjects that interested him in order to keep up appearances. And, no one would believe it, if someone could understand his situation, but it was out of the question to get out of the current appearances. It was without counting on alcohol, relaxation, and a very demonic feeling, even if in truth rather very human: the need to know. So he decided to turn a question a little subtly in order to get information without looking like it. 

"Well, uh, truth then. Do you feel the "waves of love" of the people around you? Or it is one of those qualities reserved for certain castes of angels only. "He had put quotation marks on the "waves of love", literally. This added a certain amount of casualness to his question. 

"Frankly, Crowley, I was expecting a real revenge, not such an easy question. My dear fellow, yes, I feel around me what you so delicately call "waves of love". They are constantly present so it looks like a constant warmth. As I feel them all the time, I don't really feel them anymore unless they are of extreme power. You must have felt them too before..." 

The angel stopped there fearing that he had ruined this evening. He looked at his companion in an alarming way. The latter made a gesture with his hand as if to sweep away what he had said. It was on purpose that he finally decided to

"I haven't decided what I'm going to take yet, angel, no questions for me. Action only. » 

"I really don't understand this obsession with taking only actions," frowned Aziraphale, who also wished he had one or two answers. 

"And it's beautiful, you can't ask me why! Because I took action! We all have our preferences..." Of course, the demon had noticed that Aziraphale only took truths. 

"An easy action then, my dear. You have to come sit next to me on the couch and stay there until the game is over! I continue with the truth. » 

Aziraphale smiled at the idea. If they were physically closer, it would be easier to read his friend. The latter moved towards the sofa and sat as far away as possible from the angel who came as close as possible as subtly as possible after a bottle and a half alone in a body that remained human after all. Crowley remained apparently impassive, but this sudden rapprochement caused him to drop his guard and he could not help but let the real question come out. 

"Why did you tell me you didn't really like me? You know, during all this. » 

Damn it, he should have sobered up, he thought at the time. It was too late to go back. Even a fallen angel had limited powers, alas. To imagine time turners in humans, there are people, to produce them, there is no one left. 

On the Aziraphale side, if the question had arrived faster than expected, it was anticipated. He decided to start slowly to see the reaction of the old angel. 

"Um, how can I explain this clearly to you without... Well... I'm not sure I like you as you think. The feeling I have towards you is of a somewhat different nature. I wasn't lying when I told you I didn't like you. I like you, only, in another way. » 

After his question, Crowley, who had left his glasses on a small table, handed them over. It was therefore impossible to see his reaction in his eyes and his body expressions had long since been mastered. Aziraphale wondered why he hadn't thought of having him materialize his wings sooner. 

"I imagine Angel. After all, you are an angel, you love all creatures of a different love because you are holy. We don't feel the same things together. You're an angel and I'm..." Aziraphale interrupted him. 

"I was not referring in any way to a form of angelic love as you seem to think. "The angel couldn't really say much more. It was not that he didn't want to say things clearly but rather that he was feeling the ground being a virgin of love in love. "So I'm going to have a shot because, well, I answered but apparently my words are unclear. "If he couldn't tell him, maybe show him and at worst, if it didn't go as planned, blame the incident on the alcohol. 

"I suppose you'll choose action. "Crowley lowered his head in approval. "For more challenge, kiss me. "The demon's reaction was immediate. He got up and started screaming. 

"No way! Name of... of... of... Nobody! What the fuck is this action! Are you kidding me?" 

Aziraphale had probably never seen him as angry as he was at that moment. He interpreted this attitude as a warning about their friendship. If he wanted to keep it, everything else was out of the question.

"My friend, darling, I'm sorry, I didn't think it would make you so angry. Please forgive me. » 

Crowley didn't listen. He did not look at Aziraphale. Maybe he would have understood if he hadn't avoided his eyes so much. If he had seen, it wouldn't have made any difference. He had made it a point of honour that their relationship would never change. So he took a shot and left without turning around. He heard nothing of what his friend said to him. He was already immersed in his dark thoughts, the ones he had never shared before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this new chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. They are dumbasses and don't understand anything. I have some unspoken things in this chapter I really want to explore next chapter.
> 
> See you soon!


	3. The hardest will be the fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After leaving angry, Crowley takes the time to calm down while driving. There is no way their relationship will evolve.
> 
> However, his reasons are obvious.
> 
> TW : Mention of suicidal thoughts

Crowley had left the bookshop without looking at Aziraphale. As soon as he heard the action, something had broken inside him. He had left, taken refuge in his Bentley after slamming the door, put Queen and started the engine. He was now on the road, aimless, without desire, but it was the best way for him to think. He wiped off the water that had run in the corner of his eyes. What the fuck was that shit? Tears? Tears of what? Rage, grief, anger? He wasn't sure of anything and that fucking car radio that was playing "ooooohhhhh you're my bestfriend" didn't help him concentrate at all. 

If you want to understand his reaction, which may seem overwhelming to you (it is not), it is necessary to go back a few years (well,centuries). When Crowley met Aziraphale, he found him... ingenious, or stupid, the terms were, in his opinion, interchangeable. After all, he was an angel, supposed to keep Eden and he had not only because of him but he had also given his sword to humans.

However, as the years and centuries passed, he had found himself liking this angel more. He remained holy, of course, initially refusing all the requests that Crowley could make. After a while, they could admit that they knew how to deal with each other. The demon had walked on sacred ground to prevent Aziraphale from being discorporate. He had saved his books. The angel had provided him with holy water. They had saved humanity together. They had exchanged their bodies. In short, they were rather close, more than close perhaps. Their relationship didn't really have a definition, but it suited the demon well. 

He didn't want more.No fucking way that it would become more. The reason was simple: his angel could be fallen. He was done. He had fallen. He had suffered the worst torture. He had cried asking God why She had abandoned him without ever having any answers. He had finally accepted it. If asking questions was enough for Her, it was obvious that kissing a demon would be a valid reason to make him fall. There was even worse, having feelings other than those he was supposed to have for any creature. Cowley chose to ignore this possibility. We weren't in a fucking romantic comedy where the ingenious guy fell in love with the high school bad boy who turned out to be a good guy. No, he was a demon and he will be forever. 

He was driving thinking about all this. He was currently at... far too much on the road. It was moving at a much slower rate than during its fall. He loved Aziraphale more than any being in the world. He had never named the kind of love he felt, but he wasn't that stupid. If he had to never see him again to avoid the worst possible punishment, he would. 

The worst thing was not the fall, nor the torture, no. The worst thing had been to no longer feel Her. It was to no longer feel Her love, then love in general. It was to see what he had built for Her, with Her. The other angels, heaven, all that was nothing. The worst was the absence of God. Sometimes, when he thought of Her, when he spoke to Her, he wanted to get it over with. If he didn't have any ties, maybe he would have. He had one and he had replaced Her. 

"There's no fucking way this is going to happen to you! "he said, talking to an Aziraphale who was not with him. 

After hours of driving, he decided to go home hoping that the angel would not have had the great idea to come. He had never done it so far so it was unlikely but after all, he never asked him to kiss him before, huh, why no more shit surprises today! What a load of crap! Nom de dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperie de connard d'enculé de ta mère ! When he arrived in front of his house, he checked that the angel was not around. He could do so all the more easily because his thoughts were only directed at him. Fortunately, there was no one there. He went home and went straight to see his plants. They were perfect as they often were, but he needed to scream at something. 

"You better keep it that way. If I see a crooked sheet on one of you, a little mark that shouldn't be there... I'll set you all on fire! Do you understand me? » 

The plants shivered. He ignored them because he was happy with that fear. They would grow perfectly after that. He walked into the next room. When he entered, the phone started ringing. At this time of day, it had to be Aziraphale. He left the phone ringing until the answering machine activated. 

"My dear, this is the third time I've tried to reach you. I think this is all a misunderstanding. Please forgive me for asking you this. I..." The demon heard the angel sigh softly as if he was holding back his tears. He had no right to do that. "Could you please call me back when you get this message? You can also come to the bookshop, I'll be there. I'm waiting for y..." 

Crowley had taken the phone interrupting the angel. 

"Angel, don't wait for me. I... I'm sorry, but" 

"No, Crowley, please. "Aziraphale's voice flickered at the other end of the line. "Would you like me to come and see you now? I think I owe you a real explanation. I want everything to be clear between us and I'm afraid that if I don't do it now, tomorrow you won't be there to hear it. » 

Crowley knew deep down inside that he had to refuse. If the angel talked, it would probably be too late already. The distress in his friend's voice was too present for him to ignore. The desire to comfort him was stronger than his reason and before he realized it, he answered him.

"All right, angel. I'm waiting for you." 

He hung up regretting already that he had accepted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this new chapter, I hope you enjoyed it. Crowley has a big internal conflict. Life is difficult for a demon... You can't blame him, can you?
> 
> Did you notice the little reference to Matrix? :D 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and comments guys <3


	4. A rejection and a promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale joins Crowley to talk about his reaction. He doesn't expect his feelings to be shared. Unfortunately, this does not mean that their relationship will change. The demon wants to protect him.

Aziraphale was not an idiot, no. He knew more than he dared to admit to himself. He had spent so much time with humans (and a certain demon) that he no longer saw things in black and white. He knew there was a grey area. After all, people are not fundamentally good or bad, they are just human. The only people to whom this difference was owed were angels and demons. He was no longer so sure. He was wondering about it. However, among angels, it's never in good taste to ask questions. So he was trying to repress them, deep down inside himself. 

He was also very aware of Crowley, of the possibility that he also shared the kind of feeling he had have for him. However, he was not sure because he rarely felt anything from the demon, positive or negative. After all, a demon had to have defense mechanisms. However, which made him think that, other than his own hope of seeing his feelings returned, was the way others saw them. The angels who had come to threaten him had called him his "boyfriend". On another occasion, a passerby told him that he had been there and that he would be better off without him, implying that he was his companion. And then, there were the rescues to prevent him from being discorporated, the books he had rescued for him. Does he really need to list everything? 

Yet, he was listing everythig after he sobered up quickly. Crowley had just left and Aziraphale had not anticipated this possibility. Showing an overflowing and yet, limited imagination (frankly, who doesn't think of the worst case scenario except an angel who only thinks of the good...), here is a list of plausible reactions according to Aziraphale : 

\- Crowley doesn't want to kiss him. He takes a shot. Aziraphale blames alcohol. They're moving on.  
\- Crowley kisses him. That's weird. They continue the game and decide never to do it or talk about it again.  
\- Crowley kisses him. It's perfect. Everything is said in this kiss. They love each other. They will love each other until the end of time. The end (but not the end of time). 

The last option was the most unlikely but why not imagine that everything can happen just like in a fairy tale! Of course, a much worse scenario had unfolded before his eyes and now the angel was coming out of his trance after-shock and going into panic attack mode. Could he make things right ? He could always blame the alcohol. There, done, and he will never speak of this again. If he had asked for an answer to his feelings, it was hard to make it any clearer than this one. You will notice here that, if Aziraphale is not stupid, he doesn't understand anything about Crowley' reaction.

First he chose to wait if the demon would come back. When he didn't show up after an hour, Aziraphale's panic increased. He had spent that hour just going back and forth in his bookshop (or rather library, had he ever sold a single book?) He took books, flipped them over and put them back in their place without having read a single word. He wondered if he could go directly to the demon's house. No, no, no, no. He had never invaded his friend's personal space before. Were they still friends? He wasn't going to start now. Some time later he tried to call him a second time and then a third time. Crowley answered and agreed to let Aziraphale come. The angel was not really happy about it, only relieved to see him. For a short moment in his life, which had seemed much longer to him, he had believed that he would never again be able to do so. 

He owed him an explanation, didn't he? If he just assumed and put everything on the table, Crowley could understand. He may not have been an angel anymore, but he was going to forgive him right ? They had always been able to find a status quo between them. He wanted to return to the status quo. He put on his bow tie three times, which was, as always, perfect from the beginning. He looked in the mirror and found that his reflection had an expression of panic and sadness. He tried to smile. He didn't want to alarm his friend, who would probably notice. He left the bookshop and took a taxi. This would give him a little more time to recompose himself and prepare his speech. 

Once in front of the door, Aziraphale felt again a wave of unpleasant emotion running through him. He was really not used to all those negative emotions. The angels were to feel only one thing after all: love, fullness, grace, God. All this, together. However, that was not how he felt at all. He was at the other end of the human emotional spectrum: fear, sadness, maybe even a little anger. He knocked once. That would be enough. Crowley opened the door, his glasses on his nose, a glass of something that seemed very strong in his other hand. 

"Come in angel." 

Aziraphale noticed how his voice was... Monotonous. It was not usual for the demon even in so few words. The angel entered, waited for the demon to close the door and started talking very quickly. If he didn't start talking, he would rush into his arms. No way, he had to clear everything up. 

"Crowley, please..." His friend started talking at the same time as him and he stopped first. 

"Something to drink?" 

"No, nothing for me, thank you. My dear, please forgive me. I really didn't think you'd take it that way. I had a little too much to drink and your reaction is normal after all. I'm an angel, you're a demon. You must be repulsed by the thought of kissing me. I hadn't thought of that before I asked you. Let's move on, let's not talk about it anymore. I am sincerely sorry. May you forgive me." 

For the sake of clarity here, what Aziraphale would soon realize, Crowley was not at all sober. Since he had returned home, he had emptied a few bottles of the strongest alcohols he had. Fortunately, he was not human and his envelope was only partially human. 

"You, silly, silly, sssssssilly, angel" He went to slump on the nearest chair.

"Well, that's what made the most sense to me from your reaction." 

" Shhuuuuuussssshhhhhh ... I know you know about me and I know you know I know about you, you know? "Aziraphale really had to concentrate to understand the words that came out of the demon's mouth. He went to sit in the chair closest to him and waited. "And, and, and, and, and, and, I would like us to be more than..." He made a gesture with his hands showing them both. "The problem... the problem is that noooooooooooon. No way because he won't be happy. And then, hop, you, pffffffioooooouuuuuttt, scratch, blaaaammm, booommm. Fallen, hell, demon."

Aziraphale slowly began to understand what was going on in the demon's head. Well, it was now or never. 

"Crowley, I have to tell you something, but I can't do it when you're like this. Would you please sober up?" 

"No! You ask too muuuuuuuuch! No no no no no." 

"Anthony J. Crowley, stop behaving like that, sober up and listen to me! If you don't do it yourself, I will do it for you and you know very well that it's not pleasant."

"All right, all right, all right, all right. " He sobered up. "There, happy?" 

"That's much better. " The angel took his hand. "My dear, was it because you are afraid I will fall that you reacted like this? " Crowley nodded while looking at the angel's hand in his.

"You don't know what it means Angel. You are too pure and holy for that. Having physical contact with a demon... It's not just holding one hand. It's the snake and the apple all over again. She made her divine anger fall for less than that." 

"What if it's not just about physical contact but about feelings? "asked the Angel. 

"It's even worse, Angel. Please don't say anything more, you know very well that walls have ears. The terrain is too uncertain. I can't let you risk everything for so little. "

Crowley's voice was calm, broken. Aziraphale wanted to scream everything in his face without worrying about the consequences. He couldn't do it. He understood what Crowley was doing for him. A sacrifice. But, he wasn't going to give up. It was certainly part of Her ineffable plan. He surrounded his friend's hand with both hands.

"I understand my dear. If that's all right with you, I suggest we stop talking about it. We are erasing tonight from our memory. However, I must tell you this: I am sure that all this is part of Her plan. I'll prove it to you. On that day, you will no longer be able to deny us. In the meantime, can you promise me you won't run away? Even if it's to protect me." 

It was a promise he made to himself as much as he made it to the demon. He was going to prove him that they were meant to be together. If he had to get Her approval for this, he will get it. No matter how long it would take, that was his only objective. Crowley didn't answer. He just nodded his. That was enough for the angel who got up, put his hand on the cheek of his, for the moment, friend. Their eyes met and the angel smiled. He would have liked everything to be simpler. In an other scenario, Crowley accepted everything, they kissed, they love each other forever. But, this was not this scenario. They were in the other one. The one where the demon was thinking of him and wanted to protect him more than anything. He couldn't blame him. Sacrifice, self-sacrifice, it was the most beautiful proof of love there is. This was also the most painful one to accept. 

"I'll call you tomorrow. Good night, Crowley." He put his lips on his forehead, turned and left. Once the door was closed behind him, Crowley replied. 

"Good night, my angel."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I finished part one of this series. I broke my own heart. 
> 
> Thank a lot for all the kudos, comments and subscription. 
> 
> Brace yourself, part 2 is coming. 
> 
> (If you want some fluff my other work "their first times" is all about love) 
> 
> Thanks again !!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, so I translated my french work in english. This is not a perfect translation and I'm so sorry if I did some (or a lot) grammatical errors. I try my best !


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